Well, I’m 2 weeks in to being “just a mom” and my feelings about it are overwhelmingly mixed. One minute I feel completely blessed that I do not have to get ready for work, or spend every spare minute checking work emails, scheduling, or doing paperwork. Then in just the next breath I am feeling lonely, isolated, bored, and I’m reaching for anything to make me feel more like “me”… This is so very different than I expected to feel. Ever since I was a little girl I pictured myself being a stay at home Mom with 4 kiddos running around, so I never would have imagined that having that exact picture (almost) would leave me with such mixed emotions.
I think there will definitely be an adjustment period for me to realize that I have more time on my hands to spend teaching my kiddos, and enjoying every little moment (or at least most of them). And, I’m going to need to change my mindset and priorities in a way. My kids have always been my priority, but now I feel more of an obligation to do extra things on top of just everyday care activities. How do I manage that urge to “do more” and instead just live in the moment? Ever since I had Shae I have felt torn in two directions, I’ve had to balance two things- work and home. Now I only have one direction to go and thats a scary realization. What if I fail? How do you settle for knowing you will never be able to multi-task and do it all? How do I learn to be content just sitting and interacting with my kids rather than running in a million different directions? That last one is the hardest for me…. just sitting.
I have a hard time sitting and not doing, but my kids need me to slow down and just sit and watch or sit and play. For some reason I have a hard time playing with my kiddos… isn’t that crazy!?! You’d think as a pediatric PT that I’d be great at playing with kids, but when it comes to my own kids I’ve always felt too busy to stop and play much. Which is precisely why I had to make the difficult decision to quit my job. Now I am making more of a conscious effort to put down my phone and play pretend, read books, push them on the swings, and soak in these 3 little people that are mine.
It doesn’t seem like the kids have noticed much of a change quite yet. They’ve asked a few times if Miss Mary (our wonderful babysitter) is going to come over so I can go to work. The other night we went for a family walk around the neighborhood after dinner and it was incredibly refreshing, and something we haven’t had the chance to do much of in the past year. So as much as I miss working and interacting with the families that I worked with, I know that I have made the right decision for our family right now and I’m going to soak up all of those little moments that I let fly by me before.
***Side note: this topic is extremely hard to write about, because every person, family, and situation is different and the right choice for one person is not the right choice for another. One thing I will never do is judge another Mom or Dad on the decision they made for their family and kiddos. I truly believe finding the right balance is an impossible task and I take my hat off to every Mom and Dad out there, working at a job or working in the home, because this stuff is hard!